On honesty

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I keep coming back to truthfulness and honesty. Why? Because I dislike when I am lied to. I find it disrespectful, hurtful and just a disgrace.

Why do people feel they need to lie? I think it’s ultimately to protect themselves. They don’t lie to protect your feelings, they lie to fulfil their own agenda. And if they say they are lying to protect your feelings, they are lying again. It’s a vicious, never-ending cycle and it creates mistrust.

To me, lying is a form of disconnection of the soul. If you lie to people then you’re lying to yourself – you are not being 100% honest. You are lying because you don’t want to face the consequences.

My whole relationship was built on a lie. He whispered sweet nothings in my ear for years and years, making me feel like I was the one and only. But if he truly loved me, he would never have walked out so many years later – despite what happened during the relationship. But that’s him. When the going gets tough, he gets going. I should have known that he wouldn’t last the distance but I chose to stay with him, despite knowing the relationship was dead in the water years ago.

It’s a new day today and a new set of rules. I have been a source of comfort for him during the separation and I just get shit thrown back in my face, every day. And I am not going to stand for it any longer. He is on his own to suffer the consequences of the decisions he chooses to make. I will not be there to pick up the pieces.

I am done. I will never trust him again.

Life is for living, not hating
Dx

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