This is such a tough one to act on, especially when all you feel is hurt and pain. I know for the benefit of self, the act of forgiveness is essential but what if you are so angry with yourself that you don’t want to forgive?
It’s not necessarily the forgiveness of other people that is hard to do, in fact, I find this quite easy to do (depends on who and what the circumstance is though). What I don’t find easy to do is to forgive myself. I don’t need to be anyone else’s punching bag, I am my own.
So how do you forgive yourself? I have read up on this and while I understand the theoretical side, and agree with the principals, putting them into practice is hard, but seemingly possible.
I consistently beat myself up over every little thing imaginable. I have been doing this since I was a teenager and it has just become a pattern of behaviour over the years. I must break this self-deprecating behaviour and banish these thoughts. To do this, I am following these steps:
First is to keep on with my daily meditations – day and night – which serve my soul well, my meditations allow me to feel grounded and loved. I focus on self and work toward finding my light, which I have done on a number of occasions. During this time of transition, I ought to meditate as frequently as I can to reach the peaceful centre of my soul.
Second is to let go of hurt and anger – towards myself. I practice this during my meditations as the space in my mind & soul is so large I can replace negative feelings with those of self-love and self-respect.
Third is to just be. I have to have faith that I am a strong, independent, kind, beautiful, loving and caring woman. My self-esteem was knocked for six when my ex-husband left me but I will rise from the ashes. I have to have faith that I will allow myself to achieve this. This is just another life hurdle that I must leap over. I will fall a couple of times but if I keep practising my 3 steps to pick myself back up, I will achieve my two ultimate goals – freedom and love of self.
Life is for loving, not hating