Sleep evades

A million thoughts are racing around in my head, none of them are worthwhile but it’s best to just get them down and out.

How is it that men re-partner so easily after separating from a 15-year relationship? Is he so co-dependent and scared of being with himself? I was perplexed considering the whole premise of him leaving me in the first place was so he could be ‘alone’.

Another lie, another nail. Why could he not be honest? He was, eventually, when I asked him to just tell me the fucking truth. That made it easier for me to leave him behind. He wasn’t telling me the truth then so how can I trust anything he says now? I can’t. He’s a liar.

Communication, therefore, has been strained. It is easier to just not talk about anything except our son. I am not interested in anything else he has to say or what’s going on in his life. He chose to leave and that’s the way it’s going to be from my side. 

I deserve better than him. The energy I am reflecting out these days is one of self love and self worth. He will not knock me down, not anymore.

I have found peace and it’s because he’s not in my life. Thanks – you did me a huge favour. 

Life is for living & loving

Dx

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4 responses to “Sleep evades

  1. You are right, men seem to repartner so quickly! I think it is because women give so much of themselves in a relationship that they lose themselves and so take more time to rediscover who they are after a breakup. It is amazing what some women go on to do when they become unshackled, while the guy just finds someone else to take care of him. When I found myself free I spent time in recovery, then finally I realised my freedom and asked myself the question, if I could do anything, what would I do? Do I hiked to Everest Base camp, having the trip of a lifetime, meeting wonderful people along the way and proving to everyone – mostly myself – that I can do anything I want to. It wasn’t easy, I did my training on a Thursday night, the only night I was child free, but the thing is I did it.

    You are free! If you could do anything, what would you do?

    • Well fortunately we share our son 50/50 so I get a decent break. I am basically just hanging out with friends, dancing & finding my spiritual mojo 🙂 So I am just being with myself. I know who I am it’s just he never saw ‘me’. He only saw the me he wanted me to be and when I wasn’t that for him anymore, he dropped me like a tonne of bricks. He had an ideal of me and it just wasn’t me.

      • I’m so sorry to hear that. I am glad you are no longer living that life though, nobody should. I hope you find so much more happiness than that life had to offer you.

      • Yes I definitely see that it’s for the best so I have let him go, just need to let go of the hurt now, which will take some time but I’m on the right path ☺️

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