I had the urge to write tonight. So much has unfolded since my last post, I wouldn’t know where to begin.
But let’s start with the now, because that’s the only moment we have. The last 22 months has definitely been a journey. The choice of roads to go down has been quite eye opening. One thing that I have solidly realised through all of this is to listen to my intuition, so now I do.
My, now ex, husband, left me almost two years ago. For the four months after he left, I didn’t know if I would live through it. The pain & anger were totally unbearable, it was literally eating me up. But then my mum was diagnosed with terminal cancer, and was given four months to live. The fact she got sick, quickly got me over him – I didn’t have time or energy to waste on someone who didn’t love me anymore. I had to devote my energy, love and time to my dying mother. And I quickly realised that holding on to pain for someone who isn’t even related to you is barely worth it when you’re watching your parent suffering. So, I got over him really quickly, and moved on.
So when you decide to move on, you lose the family you’ve known for almost two decades, friends, and foes (thank god). But really, if you lose them, they probably weren’t solid connections anyway. But in releasing those people, I gained huge respect for myself that I lost many years ago. I had completely lost who I was in my marriage, I allowed that to happen. Once I (finally) realised this, my inner light roared up again, and I opened myself up to a whole new world of adventure. I am so happy she’s back, and she’s ready to live and love again.
I love being single as it means I have the time to spend with the people who genuinely love me. I did have to move away from people who I thought were friends. But people have different understandings of loyalty, and they were essentially people linked to my marriage, so it’s natural. And that’s totally fine, and I’m not sad about it, because in letting them go, I created the space to allow the people who I wanted in my life; people who like and accept me for me. After all, that’s all we really want right? To be loved for who we really are?
So I thank my ex every day now for walking out; I’m well on my way to creating the life I want with new people, and most importantly, I am slowly becoming my true self.
Peace, love and light to you all